Selfish pleasure of horse riding

Today for the first time in my life I went to see the horse riding competition in Cabourg. It was little rainy but the weather was just fine. I was quite excited to see how it goes. In the middle of Hippodrome there were shops selling gears. I looked around first some helmets and when I saw the price, I couldn’t breath hahaha. 750 euros for one helmet !!! I quietly left the shop and started to watch the competition. There were three people (two girls and one boy they seem around seventeen to nineteen years old) on the competition stage. They looked great and their horse obviously are good breeds tall and strong, wearing ear bonnets. One girl set off for a nice jump but before the middle poll she had some problem; I felt it instantly. The horse didn’t make it (of course) and this girl was upset, she whipped her horse. I was really not feeling well. Then I saw another girl gave a whip to her horse whatever the reason was…. I didn’t want to watch it any more. I walked away with totally broken heart. So many horses were outside parking confined in a box waiting for their turn. I looked their eyes, I couldn’t read their emotions. So these are all part of competition…. I heard girls saying often ‘oh they don’t feel much pain, they have strong physic, a whip doesn’t do any harm. You have to show them that you are the controller.’ Horse doesn’t feel much pain? How do we know that? I’ve been doing horse riding for 5 months now which means still very beginner level but each time of riding, the feeling of pleasure increases. What I’m learning from horse riding is actually great. I learn how to communicate with them, how they behave, how they react and how my body can be rhythmical through horse’s movement. But the true factor of horse riding is that horses are sacrificing for my pleasure. I try to understand what they meant when they refuse my asking instead of ‘making them listen’. Some advanced level people kept saying that I needed to be more forceful. But even though I am just a beginner I feel that I have to find my own way to communicate with riding horses without any form of violence. Otherwise there is no point doing horse riding. horse running Horse riding is a relationship with horses. It’s not a sport like surfing, cycling or skateboarding. It is involved with living animals who feel the emotion (pain and joy). They are not machines or slaves. The direct contact with animals makes my mind to grow deeper and thoughtful for the world. I intend to continue riding until the session is over but now a question remains in my mind. Is it enough to ride with caring and loving mind or should I give up horse riding.. if there is a way to do horse riding without giving them pain, I will continue and if not I won’t. On the way back home I was driving with sadness of witnessing the violence in teenage girls.I think they don’t know what they are doing. Riding an animal who can’t speak and feeling superior over those animals is not that difficult thing to do as healthy egocentric human. In the vast yellow flowery Spring field far from the road where I was driving, there were herds of horses and cows. The beauty which doesn’t belong to human’s possession. Being human who have tremendous capacity to care and think more, can be so meaningless when we are ignorant… The lies we make and we don’t want to correct them because there are such pleasures on our side… But this world is made for fairness, without it everything doesn’t go as it should be. Outside my window every drop of rain is absorbed by earth and all greens are moving very subtle by shallow wind.

Follow ups in July

The month of June I started to study about horse and found out several things I haven’t learned before. They brought some changes to my daily life. I decided to continue horse riding after all. Because since I started to care of horses, I wanted to learn more about them. If I stop riding, there is no way getting to know them more. When I started horse riding, I only rode one horse ‘Quidam’ and I was falling for him. I thought we made very good match and I wanted to ride him only. Deep in me I knew that it wasn’t right but I wanted to hang on to him as first love kind. Then one day Florence told me that everyone wants to ride Quidam, he is a popular one. I was shocked hahaha. Since then I am able to enjoy riding all different horses. First of changes is that I stopped to eat any meat any more. I saw how people kills horses for food after they were useless from horse racing (that horrible game). Those videos gave me an unforgettable shock. I didn’t want to take any part of those violence of human living so I gave up all meats. Second is caring of horses more than before. They are constantly talking to me about what makes them not comfortable or what they desire. Why we only need to insist our own way when they give us a favor? Because I am the leader, dominant and generous skillful tyranny? What is my purpose of riding? To make horses as my slaves? well I am not, so I let them be when they want to do things their own, I consider their needs using my intuition and when I really want to do something ( I feel they know at that moment, they are very intelligent) they work for me. So far with my short experiences it works quite fine that way. I sometimes needs a whip but that’s only because some horses move when they know I have a whip. But the bits still make my heart ache. I know how easy to get used to it, used to hurt them and feel nothing about it. I don’t want to be ‘Past’ belonging human being who says ‘they feel nothing!’ Some future belonging people in the world already started to ride without bits and such deep concern into actions. In not so far future, every horse riding club will change its method. I love horse smells and feel that each horse has different energy and sensibility while I am riding. I also love to talk to them. I pay for horse riding but sometimes I can’t ride as I wish and it made me frustrated among groups in the beginning. I blamed horses, but I soon realized that my ugly mind tried to force horses. Without caring and respecting their emotions, horse riding can be no meaningful at all for both side. I want my riding horses feel happy as much I feel; that’s my wish. My appreciation for horses is increasing and bring something new each time I ride them. They are incredible… As if we play mixing each other’s energy together and it’s very little to do with skillful practice. I’m also very thankful to my kind teachers, lovely people on earth.

Charlie Hebdo cover opens door to forgive the terrorists

I participated “rassemblement Charlie Hebdo” with friends in Caen on Sunday evening.
While we were walking the rally among many people, my friends told me that such numbers of people’s gathering was the first time of their life. This attack certainly put the fire of human heart. Two brothers made terrible ugly crime with the stupid thought that they could play martyr! I do sympathize them. When I read their upbringing and miserable life, I understood that they were the people who have nothing to lose and went badly to the other side of world.  They shamed on their own religion, killed total 17 innocent people and left deep grieving to their family and of course made ‘Charlie Hebdo’ ever popular in the world. The one of victims, editor’s daughter told us “they killed my father but they failed kill his idea, they were not able to make it disappear. On the contrary it is getting bigger and alive much more than ever, I hope.” And it does. Hebdo s

Among crowds I saw many messages people carried on their hands which indicates that we stay for love and peace, not to allow division and not to mix with Islamophobia. I absolutely felt warm in my heart with human dignity in quite cold weather. It was mostly quiet and there were wave applauses out of silence many times and they were deeply moving. I felt that we were really there to support victims and to hold the value of free thought and free expression as human being. It was an honorable chance for me to share their loss. Chérif kouachi before he was killed, said that they were financed by Al-Qaeda, as if this message must be said to the world. What Al-Qaeda wants? A revenge for their God? If this is true they are incredibly stupid, because everyone can see the result of their revenge it only made their God very inferior to the world. I rather assume what they really want is a division by hatred in human heart. That would be by Evil not by God obviously. I am sorry for their behind-ness and soulless-ness.

When ‘Je suis Charlie’ started to spread quickly through whole nations, I didn’t know exactly where it was heading but now I know what people want in France is not a war but ‘liberty, fraternity and equality’ as true Republican country. Their roots of spirit only get stronger and more mature than ever. I didn’t see any sign of violent monstrous anger on them but I witnessed free minded people with strength and beauty of their own cherish humanity. I took it from my core of heart and respected profoundly as one citizen of the world in 20th century. I know not much about politics but I do know there are fools for many reasons. And between love and hate, where we contribute our life will be our choice.

Every human being has a right to live with their own voice.
Violence and hatred never prevail.

Je suis Charlie.
Je suis Ahmed.
Je suis Human.
Je suis Liberté.

Charlie Hebdo made their first cover since the attack and said the cover was a call to forgive the terrorists who murdered her colleagues last week.

Yes, freedom should be expressed in respect to the others but that doesn’t make any excuse to kill people.

We need the sea to heal…

lying man1s

It would need to go to the sea bottom
now you leave me as a package of the world
It would need the sea with its storms
to bump loud into your windows again.

It would need the sea
Where there isn’t love.
The sea in this world which need to be rebuilt
It would need the sea.

Song of “Ci vorrebbe il mare” by Marco Masini

Do not weep

dog walk words poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Le chanson de Prévert

classic sw
This is Gainsbourg’s beautiful song “Le Chanson de Prévert” combined with my watercolor drawing.


Birtches, Berezy (Берёзы)

birtches sWhy do birches in Russia sounds so beautiful?
Why do they, white-trunked, understand everything?
They stay near to the road and wind
And drop their leaves sadly

I’ll walk on a road, I’m glad to the space
Maybe it’s everything that I know in the world
Why do leaves fly down so sadly
And caress my soul under my shirt?

My heart is hot
And again it feels there’s no answer
And a leaf of a birch fell on my shoulder
He is like me, broke away from a branch

“My dear, let sit down with you for a good road*
You should understand that I’ll come back, no need to be sad,
And my old mother will wave me goodbye
And close the gate

Why do birches in Russia sound so beautiful?
Why does it play harmonica sound?
Fingers can press all keys fast in one moment like wind
And at last oh.. sink down.

Beautiful Russian folk song by Lyube.(of course I have no idea about Russian Language although I love to learn one day, I mixed two translated version to make it sense.) But if you know better, pls let me know.

Homage drawing to Nelson Mandela

nelson mandela s

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
“No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” N.Mandela

Fearless journalist

michael hastings sp

“Michael Hastings went far in the span he had. One of our finest young investigative journalists, high stakes reporting in a sense cost him his life. We desperately need more and more young men and women such as Michael, willing to protest the intolerable war crimes and arrogance of our supremacy-seeking society.” Oliver Stone

Proud Whistle-blowers

35 years in prison.
This is truly heart breaking.
Powerful war criminals put an innocent brave young man in prison.

I do believe in decent gentle kind loving, the true humanity.
Bradley Manning is a proud and beautiful human being.
Between ugly and beautiful mind, how we perceive that all depends on our own strength and vision.
In a way ugly mind has to be there to make beautiful mind shine through…

bradley manning +osw
“government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth”.

bradley manning scw

Official Washington still glorifies George W. Bush’s “successful surge” in Iraq while ignoring the wanton slaughter inflicted on Iraqis. So, there remains a high-level desire to harshly punish Pvt. Bradley Manning for exposing the horrific truth about that and other war crimes. By Ray McGovern


The child hunters

hunter's karma s postWould you allow your child to use a gun to hunt and kill animals? Across Australia there are thousands of families who not only let it happen, they encourage it. Hunting is now a growth sport and the reasons are simple. For many it’s exciting, selling guns is a lucrative business and hunters have new-found political muscle. by Australian documentary Oct 2013.

In that film a boy said “you feel some kind of compassion but you need to get over it.”

WHY? I wonder if the boy asked to himself.
It is to kill more and to have fun. What’s wrong with that?!?

There was also children serial rape killer documentary. This man has no compassion on his victims, he would say that he just needs to get over it. Otherwise how he could keep rape and kill children?

Compassion we have in our heart is to grow more and not to diminish in any case in life.

Jeanne D’arc

Joan of Arc
jeanne d'arcWith one occasion last week I studied of her life a little and realized that France wouldn’t exist without this maid of Orleans (la pucelle d’Orléans). This is very a fact. And she received the voice from heaven. Those high spirit missionary people always end up by sacrificing their life… I noticed this since I was very little. But this time her story helped me to understand another step of my mind.

In her trail, she had been asked if she knew she was in God’s grace, she answered : “If I am not, may God put me there, and if I am , may God so keep me.” If she had answered yes, then she would have convicted herself of heresy. If she answered no, then she would have confessed her own guilt. She was an uneducated little village peasant girl. (1412-1431).

« Sur l’amour ou la haine que Dieu porte aux Anglais, je n’en sais rien, mais je suis convaincue qu’ils seront boutés hors de France, exceptés ceux qui mourront sur cette terre. » Her prediction during the trial also came true. Imagine if there is no France today…!!

Soon as wind blows.. I will leave again..

Dès Que Le Vent Soufflera

la mer s
It’s not the man who goes to the sea
It is the sea who takes the man tatatin

C’est pas l’homme qui prend la mer
C’est la mer qui prend l’homme

For me the sea took me
unprepared never mind

Moi la mer elle m’a pris
Au dépourvu tans pis

my heart was sick on fury ocean
4hours I vomited and
at midnight I’ve got hit everywhere
I slept in wet blankets.
These were my cost.
It is boating, it is fun.

J’ai eu si mal au coeur
Sur la mer en furie
Qu’ j’ai vomi mon quatre heures
Et mon minuit aussi
J’ me suis cogné partout
J’ai dormi dans des draps mouillés
Ca m’a coûté ses sous
C’est d’ la plaisance, c’est le pied

As soon as wind blows
I will leave again
when wind turns
we will go…

Dès que le vent soufflera
Je repartira
Dès que les vents tourneront
Nous nous en allerons


We don’t know what to do with our own pain. We don’t know what to do with others. We don’t know what to do with our own weakness except hiding or pretending that doesn’t exist. So how can we welcome the weakness of others if we don’t welcome our own… My vision is that belonging should be at the heart of a fundamental discovery: that we all belong to a common humanity, the human race. We may be rooted in a specific family and culture but we come to this earth to open up to others, to serve them and receive the gifts they bring to us, as well as to all of humanity.
Jean Vanier, Becoming Human

mother s

It is important that we support each other, that we pray for each other, that we come together as people who have the same face. We need to love each other and then, as we learn to work together in a place of belonging and togetherness, we begin to see that it is important to listen to each other. You have ideas much better than mine, I may have some that are better than yours. We don’t have to be powerful; we don’t have to be right…


Memory of Maka Fidyka

A beautiful lady with generous and big heart.
Such a bright smile I would never forget…
I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her.
This is only one thing I could do for her from my place.

maka s
One drawing for her with my heart…
Death is not the end….
I think a lot of her children, their pain…
I wish they could find peace and love soon again.

I often wonder if she needed to paint of herself before her depart. What she has with who she is, her real identity form as well colors were all around her canvas. One might call it a figure of ‘soul’.

run away with me

horse riding s1w


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